I'm Not A Writer For My Storylines

For this past two years, I have been through a lot.  Not that I’m complaining because I bet that there weren’t only me in the downstairs of the world and I completely aware that our life was like a roller-coaster; you’re on the top when you’re happy and you’re down when you’re torn apart.

2012 will be gone when December will come to an end and it a matter of time for me to make a conclusion of my journey at 2012.  I don’t know if it was one of truly adventurous, dangerous and priceless and flawless journey I ever experienced because honestly, I kind of blurry right here.  I don’t know how I used to feel but I know I have been cried a lot for this past years and I have been shutting everyone out of my life. 

I know there was something wrong in me.  I didn’t stop the aching from spreading further throughout my body.  I didn’t stop the tears from slipping off my eyelids and scraping down my face.  I finally learn how to survive it and the only way that way possible was when I sat through it and felt every bit of me wrench in pain.  I let the pain burn inside me until it passed because I no longer had the option of walking away anymore.

I had learned so much, so quickly, that somewhere along the way it just become normal- like it was okay that I would find myself hurting.  To some cold, unwanted extent, I had hardened inside.  I wasn’t so much the person I used to be and I know it was because I was broken.  There were pieces of me scattered everywhere, submerging themselves in the dark places to make it impossible to find again for someone to pair.

Well, pain, hurting and broken were probably the accurately words to use to describe what I have been felt for this past years.  And it doesn’t stop there.  I wanted to be okay with living in the latter but my heart and my mind didn’t seem to be on the same page.

For now, it is the clearest thing amidst the sea of perplexity – not being myself was no longer a choice, it is an inevitability.

Playlist Files: My Top 30 Extraordinary Roller-coaster Inspirational Love Songs

As a writer, words, especially lyrics, resonate with me and feed my soul.  The power of words never ceases to amaze me; they can pump you up, tear you apart, leave you breathless or empathize with you when you need it the most.  My father work around Europe for his entire life and when he come back home, he always bought a cassette from various artist like Celine Dion, Abba, The Kelly Family, even Britney Spears’s first album.

So, at the age of 11, listen to westerner’s music was my hobby.  At that time, I don’t understand what they have said or meant in their lyrics but I keep listening to it.  That was when I know that I loved music.  When I was in high school, I understand the westerner’s lyrics in their songs and once I understand it, I embrace it – because they were describe what I felt and what I have been through in this beautiful word.

I was 21 when I bought my first laptop. I downloaded so many songs and also tried to recover all the songs that I have been listening when I was a kid. Since I have a very big collection of music, I bought myself a hard drive but now it sits in my drawer with the dreaded sad-face, meaning the hard drive is shot.  I had a matching sad face for months.

Honestly, I was one of truly luckiest person alive because I manage to copy (not all files but still lucky) before it been worse. I take the experience as a lesson so now, I have 2 hard drives.  Safer that way, I guess.

Scrolling through what seem like a millions of songs, I can clearly pinpoint each and every stage of my life throughout the past years.  There were those when I was on top of the world with happiness, others when I was trying to find myself and some where life had become too much, too soon.  Like a scrapbook (but I don’t have one), my hard drive is infused with memories, dates, and emotions.

I have many categories of playlist like Hurt Playlist, Cooking Playlist, Jogging Playlist, Up Playlist, Down Playlist, Damn Good Lyrics Playlist, Touching Inspirational Playlist, Move on Playlist, Extraordinary Roller-coaster Inspirational Love Playlist and even Break up Playlist.

I think I like to share with you my Extraordinary Roller-coaster Inspirational Love Playlist for the ladies/ guys that so in the cloud – smiling, giggling and chuckling or crying and yelping for some extraordinary roller-coaster inspirational love moments.  Words and lyrics are the beauty in the song of life.  What’s your song?

  

Corner – Allis Moss

You Got A Way –Kris Allen

Two at the Time – Shelly Fraley

I Won’t Give Up – Jana Kramer 

 Leave YouAlone – Kris Allen

Time To Be Your 21 – Alexz Johnson 

 To Make You Feel My Love – Kris Allen (version) 

 Longest Night – Howie Day 

 In My Veins – Andrew Belle 

   Volcano – Phillip Phillips 

   Teach Me How Love Goes – Kris Allen 

  The Truth – Kris Allen 

  Almost Lover – A FineFrenzy

You Lost Me – Christina Aguilera

Try – Zach Berkman 

 Love’s To Blame – Joel & Luke 

 Breathe Again – Sara Bareilles 

   Think Twice – Celine Dion 

  Enchanted – Taylor Swift 

 Last Kiss – Taylor Swift

Better in Time – Leona Lewis 

  Un-break My Heart – Toni Braxton 

 Why Am I Crying – Molly Sanden 

 Drunk – Ed Sheeran 

 Ache – James Carrington 

 For You – Angus & Julia Stone 

  For You – Peter Bradley Adams 

  The Scientist – The Scientist - Coldplay/ Glee Version 

 Moments – One Direction  

Run – Snow Patrol

She's Leaving Home

I know I have asked so much from you and never give you a choice.  I know you were hurt but breaking your heart was never my intention.

A time when your dreaming ever wakes you and you find your dreaming wasn’t true, I’m sorry that I wasn’t dream a better dream for you.  A time when your fortune ever fails you and you’re down without a dime to see you through, I’m sorry that I didn’t make a wish for you.  And I’m so sorry when you find yourself with no one left to lose; I didn’t there waiting for you.

And I don’t blame you when we have become alien.

I’ll do whatever it takes to let you know that you still can count on me.  When your world trembles and quakes or your footing suddenly shifts and shakes, take my hand and we will hide in the corner.  I owe you for the rest of my life because if there weren’t you and you, I will never be in this world.

I have choice to make but you and you and I have promises that we can’t break.  My goodbye waved doesn’t mean I will never coming back.

I love both of you, eternally.